Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Dead Poet's Creed
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."--Henry David Thoreau
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Taking Time To Write
I think I'm going to take some time, some much needed time, and write. Whether it is journaling, blogging, brushing the dust off the chapters I recently discovered, or blowing the cobwebs off of the ideas lurking within the corners of my conscience, I am simply going to write.
It is not merely the wanting to write. It is needing to write. My pen is my voice. My pen is my oxygen. And I have been silent for long enough. For a time I was away from God and my creativity was drained little by little from me. I am now drawing nearer to God and I find, slow but sure, those inner stirrings, the myriad of voices, faces, and situations swirling around inside of my head, busting to be born from my head to my pen to my paper.
Where God is, there is creativity. And so, I am going to take some time in between shifts at home and at work to rest, refresh, and create. It has been way overdue.
It is not merely the wanting to write. It is needing to write. My pen is my voice. My pen is my oxygen. And I have been silent for long enough. For a time I was away from God and my creativity was drained little by little from me. I am now drawing nearer to God and I find, slow but sure, those inner stirrings, the myriad of voices, faces, and situations swirling around inside of my head, busting to be born from my head to my pen to my paper.
Where God is, there is creativity. And so, I am going to take some time in between shifts at home and at work to rest, refresh, and create. It has been way overdue.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
My Jericho
It rained hard this morning. Thunder, lightning. The sound of the rain on the store's rooftop was as an army marching in perfect cadence. It made me stop and think even more about a question issued at our Thursday night small group.
We were discussing Jericho and the battle of Jericho, how God commanded Joshua's army to march around the city for six days and on the seventh day, they were to march seven and to blow the shofar--"Shout! For I have given you the city!" We discussed how the walls of the city came tumbling down. And the question was posed--"What is your Jericho? What do you need to take authority over in your life?"
I have considered this question and while I can probably name off at least half a dozen Jerichos, my biggest Jericho is the city of worry. Worry and reasoning.
I have to try to figure everything out and if I can't figure it out, I seek the answers elsewhere. I hate feeling out of control and, for just a fleeting moment, trying to figure and fix things puts me back in control. Or maybe it tricks me into thinking I'm in control. In my heart, I know God is in control and that He will come through. I know that He's not always early but He's never late. I know that He has never let me down, that my needs have always been met. I know all of this in my heart. It's just getting my head to catch up!
Dear Lord, give me the strength and the confidence to place all that I am and all that I have in Your hands and to leave it there. By Your grace, help me to take authority over my Jericho of worry and reasoning, and to boldly declare victory. May I never forget where You brought me out of but may I never take my eyes off of where You are leading me!
We were discussing Jericho and the battle of Jericho, how God commanded Joshua's army to march around the city for six days and on the seventh day, they were to march seven and to blow the shofar--"Shout! For I have given you the city!" We discussed how the walls of the city came tumbling down. And the question was posed--"What is your Jericho? What do you need to take authority over in your life?"
I have considered this question and while I can probably name off at least half a dozen Jerichos, my biggest Jericho is the city of worry. Worry and reasoning.
I have to try to figure everything out and if I can't figure it out, I seek the answers elsewhere. I hate feeling out of control and, for just a fleeting moment, trying to figure and fix things puts me back in control. Or maybe it tricks me into thinking I'm in control. In my heart, I know God is in control and that He will come through. I know that He's not always early but He's never late. I know that He has never let me down, that my needs have always been met. I know all of this in my heart. It's just getting my head to catch up!
Dear Lord, give me the strength and the confidence to place all that I am and all that I have in Your hands and to leave it there. By Your grace, help me to take authority over my Jericho of worry and reasoning, and to boldly declare victory. May I never forget where You brought me out of but may I never take my eyes off of where You are leading me!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Feeling Stronger
April 09, 2012 7:10pm
Today has been a better day for me. I have felt the strongest today than I have since coming home. I actually got up and swept the living room floor. Kenny finished up for me because just sweeping left me winded. It hurts when I try to stand up straight or when I go to stoop over so I guess from here on, it's baby steps. I am not 100% yet, not by a long shot, but it felt good to be up even for a few minutes.
Jordan is 18 today. I just can't get my head around it. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I brought him home from the hospital. My baby is no longer a baby and I feel such a pang in my heart.
April 09, 2012 7:10pm
Today has been a better day for me. I have felt the strongest today than I have since coming home. I actually got up and swept the living room floor. Kenny finished up for me because just sweeping left me winded. It hurts when I try to stand up straight or when I go to stoop over so I guess from here on, it's baby steps. I am not 100% yet, not by a long shot, but it felt good to be up even for a few minutes.
Jordan is 18 today. I just can't get my head around it. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I brought him home from the hospital. My baby is no longer a baby and I feel such a pang in my heart.
Weariness...
April 06, 2012 6:07pm
It's only seven minutes after six and it feels so much later than it is. I didn't sleep very well last night and about the time I did get to sleep, Ira had left for dialysis. Muddling through still on minimal pain relief. I notice it more when I move which, I suppose, is typical. As much as I don't want to, I get up and move if I do nothing more than plod my way to the bathroom or to the kitchen. To lay still constantly will only make the healing time go slower. I don't want that!
I just feel so weary and worn. I've no doubt that that's a side effect of the surgery. I don't seem to bounce back as quickly as I used to, especially since I've gotten older. I could be placing too much pressure on myself. I've seen me do it. I guess it is because I find myself nearing the fifty side of forty and I feel restless, wanting to know that there was purpose and meaning to my life. I feel my soul stirring, words swirling inside my head and heart. To get these words from my head to my paper? That is the dilemma!
April 06, 2012 6:07pm
It's only seven minutes after six and it feels so much later than it is. I didn't sleep very well last night and about the time I did get to sleep, Ira had left for dialysis. Muddling through still on minimal pain relief. I notice it more when I move which, I suppose, is typical. As much as I don't want to, I get up and move if I do nothing more than plod my way to the bathroom or to the kitchen. To lay still constantly will only make the healing time go slower. I don't want that!
I just feel so weary and worn. I've no doubt that that's a side effect of the surgery. I don't seem to bounce back as quickly as I used to, especially since I've gotten older. I could be placing too much pressure on myself. I've seen me do it. I guess it is because I find myself nearing the fifty side of forty and I feel restless, wanting to know that there was purpose and meaning to my life. I feel my soul stirring, words swirling inside my head and heart. To get these words from my head to my paper? That is the dilemma!
Temporarily Overwhelmed
May 08, 2012 9:41pm
I feel sad...and angry...and weary....and depleted...I don't know what happened but at some point today, a tidal wave of everything all at once hit me and basically knocked me over. Maybe it's every day life sneaking up on me. Maybe there are unseen demons with their talons in my back and skull whispering into my ear. Maybe it's a combination. I think I am going to lay this down for the evening, crawl up onto my Father's lap, give Him my troubles, and fall asleep.
May 08, 2012 9:41pm
I feel sad...and angry...and weary....and depleted...I don't know what happened but at some point today, a tidal wave of everything all at once hit me and basically knocked me over. Maybe it's every day life sneaking up on me. Maybe there are unseen demons with their talons in my back and skull whispering into my ear. Maybe it's a combination. I think I am going to lay this down for the evening, crawl up onto my Father's lap, give Him my troubles, and fall asleep.
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